Please, please, PLEASE tell me how you think it is good or bad and how it can be improoved- character or story!!!!!!
It was night. Rain licked its way slowly down the windows and fog drifted across the graveyard in thick, curling streams. A dark spider monkey crawled its way from Grazelda's shoulder, red eyes glowing fiercely in the dark of midnight.
"It's alright, Mari." Grazelda stroked her damp furr, as black as her hair was, but her hair ended in a crimson red, as if blood had melted into it slowly and colected at the tips of every strand. Mari lept from her shoulder and became a raven, still with glowing red eyes that darted from left to right as she soared high above. Mari was a Shifter, a creature born one thing, but able to change into others at will. Mari was always black, with piercing red eyes, and found herself unable to transform into a human being. She was most comfortable as a rat that hid beneath Grazelda's long ponytail, snuffled between her denim jacket and grey t-shirt, or climbed up her light blue jeans as easily as if she was climbing a staircase.
Grazelda adjusted her thick-rimmed, clear lens glasses and twirled the loose strands of crimson hair that hung in front of her ears distractedly. Mari soared above her, squaking suddenly and diving down, becoming a rat that clung to her ponytail and snuffled her way to her shoulder.
"He is here?" Mari asked. The rat nodded, nuzzling her neck for comfort. "Then we must go." She marched swiftly toward a shape in the fog- a sillhouette of a man and a large, golden dog. Mari became a mouse. The sillhouette held up a hand, and a voice ordered- "Stop. Come no closer."
Grazelda narrowed her eyes at the dog. "Bring my news, stranger." She ordered, slowly reaching backward for her PDA that sat in her back pocket.
"All is not lost, Detective Scratt. There are those who wish to kill you and those who wish to capture you, but there is refuge."
"Where?" Grazelda barked, slowly fingering her PDA, bringing it from her pocket and activating the recorder.
"The refuge I speak of is to the far north, for there are no troops gathered there to take you in, and none to have you executed." The sillhouette said.
"Executed?" Grazelda asked.
"Yes, they wish to kill you, and they wish to kill you now."
"Tell me, what is the matter with your dog?" Grazelda asked, and the figure was silent for a few more seconds.
"He is well, are you not... boy?" The dog wagged its tail, which shook the two figures slightly. Then it stopped.
"You hesitate." Grazelda barked, and Mari lept to the floor, becoming a dog herself, with red eyes fixed on the other dog. "You can't remember the name of your dog. It is raining and this is a graveyard- he is not running or leaping or misbehaving like dogs do. You yourself are so stiff I daresay you don't even breathe and according to this," She held up her PDA. "Your voice does not match that of the man I am looking for." She straightened, a hand on Mari's head. "Have you anything to say, stranger?" The sillhouette creaked, and fell forward. It fell at her feet and Grazelda looked down, seeing nothing but a cardboard cutout, only it was made of metal and rusting badly. It was made a long time ago, evidently.
A figure stood where the metal man had been, thin and carrying a rather large gun. Even in the darkness, Grazelda could see a gleam in his teeth, as if they were metal. A gold tooth, perhaps?
"Die, girly!" He shrieked, charging and holding out the gun. Now afraid, Grazelda turned to Mari, who was suddenly a mouse that sped toward him. The figure suddenly stopped.
Everyone had heared of the mysterious Shifter. At least, everyone in the social circle that aimed to kill it and its owner. He stared at the floor, suddenly afraid. He shot at every piece of grass that waved, and every twig that seemed to be a tail. As suddenly as if time had stopped, Mari lept upwards, now a black panther, almost from between his legs, and knocked the gun from his grasp, pinning him. He groaned at first, then shrieked atthe sight of the huge growling mouth inches from his eyes.
Grazelda straightened, stepping forward. "Who are you?" She ordered. The man was too in shock to talk.
"You're Grizzly Scratt!" The man shrieked with anger in his voice. "You have to let me go!"
"You're right, I do. But, before then, tell me who you are." The man whimpered instead. Grazeldatook a picture of the man with her PDA. "Never mind, I'll know soon enough. Now go!" Mari lept off him, becoming a rat and clinging to Grazelda's ponytail. The man scampered into the distance, yet another trap that could not fool Detective Grizzly Scratt.
It was night. Rain licked its way slowly down the windows and fog drifted across the graveyard in thick, curling streams. A dark spider monkey crawled its way from Grazelda's shoulder, red eyes glowing fiercely in the dark of midnight.
"It's alright, Mari." Grazelda stroked her damp furr, as black as her hair was, but her hair ended in a crimson red, as if blood had melted into it slowly and colected at the tips of every strand. Mari lept from her shoulder and became a raven, still with glowing red eyes that darted from left to right as she soared high above. Mari was a Shifter, a creature born one thing, but able to change into others at will. Mari was always black, with piercing red eyes, and found herself unable to transform into a human being. She was most comfortable as a rat that hid beneath Grazelda's long ponytail, snuffled between her denim jacket and grey t-shirt, or climbed up her light blue jeans as easily as if she was climbing a staircase.
Grazelda adjusted her thick-rimmed, clear lens glasses and twirled the loose strands of crimson hair that hung in front of her ears distractedly. Mari soared above her, squaking suddenly and diving down, becoming a rat that clung to her ponytail and snuffled her way to her shoulder.
"He is here?" Mari asked. The rat nodded, nuzzling her neck for comfort. "Then we must go." She marched swiftly toward a shape in the fog- a sillhouette of a man and a large, golden dog. Mari became a mouse. The sillhouette held up a hand, and a voice ordered- "Stop. Come no closer."
Grazelda narrowed her eyes at the dog. "Bring my news, stranger." She ordered, slowly reaching backward for her PDA that sat in her back pocket.
"All is not lost, Detective Scratt. There are those who wish to kill you and those who wish to capture you, but there is refuge."
"Where?" Grazelda barked, slowly fingering her PDA, bringing it from her pocket and activating the recorder.
"The refuge I speak of is to the far north, for there are no troops gathered there to take you in, and none to have you executed." The sillhouette said.
"Executed?" Grazelda asked.
"Yes, they wish to kill you, and they wish to kill you now."
"Tell me, what is the matter with your dog?" Grazelda asked, and the figure was silent for a few more seconds.
"He is well, are you not... boy?" The dog wagged its tail, which shook the two figures slightly. Then it stopped.
"You hesitate." Grazelda barked, and Mari lept to the floor, becoming a dog herself, with red eyes fixed on the other dog. "You can't remember the name of your dog. It is raining and this is a graveyard- he is not running or leaping or misbehaving like dogs do. You yourself are so stiff I daresay you don't even breathe and according to this," She held up her PDA. "Your voice does not match that of the man I am looking for." She straightened, a hand on Mari's head. "Have you anything to say, stranger?" The sillhouette creaked, and fell forward. It fell at her feet and Grazelda looked down, seeing nothing but a cardboard cutout, only it was made of metal and rusting badly. It was made a long time ago, evidently.
A figure stood where the metal man had been, thin and carrying a rather large gun. Even in the darkness, Grazelda could see a gleam in his teeth, as if they were metal. A gold tooth, perhaps?
"Die, girly!" He shrieked, charging and holding out the gun. Now afraid, Grazelda turned to Mari, who was suddenly a mouse that sped toward him. The figure suddenly stopped.
Everyone had heared of the mysterious Shifter. At least, everyone in the social circle that aimed to kill it and its owner. He stared at the floor, suddenly afraid. He shot at every piece of grass that waved, and every twig that seemed to be a tail. As suddenly as if time had stopped, Mari lept upwards, now a black panther, almost from between his legs, and knocked the gun from his grasp, pinning him. He groaned at first, then shrieked atthe sight of the huge growling mouth inches from his eyes.
Grazelda straightened, stepping forward. "Who are you?" She ordered. The man was too in shock to talk.
"You're Grizzly Scratt!" The man shrieked with anger in his voice. "You have to let me go!"
"You're right, I do. But, before then, tell me who you are." The man whimpered instead. Grazeldatook a picture of the man with her PDA. "Never mind, I'll know soon enough. Now go!" Mari lept off him, becoming a rat and clinging to Grazelda's ponytail. The man scampered into the distance, yet another trap that could not fool Detective Grizzly Scratt.
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