tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3471433468613230939.post4296344538677669804..comments2023-05-22T00:36:35.128-07:00Comments on Writers Rule The World: The first part of my in-progress Skulduggery storySkyril A.K.A the Vociferous Chatterer, Loyal Forever and Always, The Ever-Present, the Pluviophilehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07957221088712534264noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3471433468613230939.post-53483732818266151512011-10-02T08:44:26.052-07:002011-10-02T08:44:26.052-07:00All parts up to 17 now available. I just can't...All parts up to 17 now available. I just can't stop writing today!The Wannabe-Authorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00573293923249204282noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3471433468613230939.post-28156618146141452232011-10-02T06:25:01.445-07:002011-10-02T06:25:01.445-07:00Part 14 now available. Now I'm going to write ...Part 14 now available. Now I'm going to write part 15. XDThe Wannabe-Authorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00573293923249204282noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3471433468613230939.post-14048975626199747442011-10-02T05:34:59.106-07:002011-10-02T05:34:59.106-07:00Love what? My story or Skyril's criticism?
......Love what? My story or Skyril's criticism?<br />...<br />Please don't say her critique was more entertaining!!! D;<br />Parts 10-13 now available btw.The Wannabe-Authorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00573293923249204282noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3471433468613230939.post-59817363002342738962011-10-01T14:27:01.204-07:002011-10-01T14:27:01.204-07:00Love this! Great critique Skyril!Love this! Great critique Skyril!Octahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00773418806087920360noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3471433468613230939.post-62834587372031057382011-10-01T14:09:40.619-07:002011-10-01T14:09:40.619-07:00LOL, Viv :P
Well, I'll definitely try to help ...LOL, Viv :P<br />Well, I'll definitely try to help if someone wants me to critic something! Don't know if I could be an ACTUAL critic, though... :PSkyril A.K.A the Vociferous Chatterer, Loyal Forever and Always, The Ever-Present, the Pluviophilehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07957221088712534264noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3471433468613230939.post-31828251041294462792011-10-01T06:16:58.326-07:002011-10-01T06:16:58.326-07:00Wow, Skyril :D
Want to write my books? LOL....Wow, Skyril :D<br /> Want to write my books? LOL.You could work as a book criticauhhlexhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07227699185453140224noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3471433468613230939.post-82421918967893471502011-09-30T05:12:13.192-07:002011-09-30T05:12:13.192-07:00part nine's kind of small.
;)part nine's kind of small.<br /><br />;)The Wannabe-Authorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00573293923249204282noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3471433468613230939.post-14522518392166191482011-09-30T04:52:25.132-07:002011-09-30T04:52:25.132-07:00Thank Skyril!
I read your comment and liked your ...Thank Skyril!<br /><br />I read your comment and liked your version of the paragraph very much. Did you read the rest? I put the URLs on there except the last one, part 9:<br /><br />http://kaliamist.blogspot.com/2011/09/back-to-training.html<br /><br />read plzThe Wannabe-Authorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00573293923249204282noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3471433468613230939.post-80277166653403513492011-09-29T18:57:27.601-07:002011-09-29T18:57:27.601-07:00WOW, that was a long comment... sorry about that x...WOW, that was a long comment... sorry about that xDSkyril A.K.A the Vociferous Chatterer, Loyal Forever and Always, The Ever-Present, the Pluviophilehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07957221088712534264noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3471433468613230939.post-90601824937068515502011-09-29T18:56:52.069-07:002011-09-29T18:56:52.069-07:00Hey, fixed the repeat thing! :D
I'm going to ...Hey, fixed the repeat thing! :D<br /><br />I'm going to be a real critique in a minute, but before that, AHHHHHHHHH That was REALLY awesome! LOVED it! I really did!<br /><br />Now ~critique mode~<br />There were a few times where I think you could have stretched things out a tad more. Like explained them more thoroughly because it got confusing, particularly around when Kip came and the last paragraph. For instance, when he said "Darkos. Again. It's always you"<br />It looked like the favor asking man was saying that, but it was actually Kip. I think it would be more clear if you skipped a line when someone says something. And maybe in instances like that add "Kip spat" or something along those lines to make it more clear as to whom is speaking.<br />The last paragraph was more confusing. Where did Angelista come from? How did she get there? How did they get into a car suddenly? I find myself asking questions such as these. <br />[hehe, I always wanted to say that!]<br />This instance is another time you could stretch things out more in order to make it more clear and vivid.<br />As an example, say more about the little battle with Angelista and the favor asking man. Maybe describe Angelista a bit. Then say in the next paragraph after the favor asking man ran away and escaped, that they got into a car or something.<br />If I was doing this story, I think I would write from before the last paragraph like this<br />[and it's just from my imagination as I have no idea how the characters really look]<br /><br />Angelista Skaa appeared out of no where, a small frown on her face having seen the favor asking man and recognizing him. Her curly brown hair was bunched up on the top of her head to keep it from getting into her fierce blue eyes.<br />A snap of her fingers and a flame curled in her palm, excited and dancing. The favor asking man spun around, having heard the crackle of her fire. Already wounded and unhappy at the current situation, he didn't feel like facing Angelista at just that moment. <br />But she thought differently. The ball of fire hurtled towards him, but just a split second before it hit him square on, he leaped into the air. Landing on his feet with a grunt. He growled at Angelsta, and dashed away to get lost in the maze of houses and rooms before she could finish the fight.<br />She was a bit disappointed but shrugged and left to where she knew Kip and I were. There, we got into his car and sped away.<br />They introduced themselves and told me the favor asking man was called Karx Epo, but when I asked where we were going and why they had helped me, they didn't answer directly. The only reply I got was, "They might be watching."<br />Yeah, helpful.<br /><br /><br />I'm not an expert at all, of course, but that was just an example to show you how you cuold spread things out more.<br />Anyway, overall, I really enjoyed reading it a lot :3. These are just a few tips [which I hope are useful] to help you write even BETTER! :D<br /><br />~critique mode off~Skyril A.K.A the Vociferous Chatterer, Loyal Forever and Always, The Ever-Present, the Pluviophilehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07957221088712534264noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3471433468613230939.post-89475679937862620592011-09-29T09:58:56.047-07:002011-09-29T09:58:56.047-07:00GLITCH!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAGLITCH!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAThe Wannabe-Authorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00573293923249204282noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3471433468613230939.post-39551216941057721442011-09-29T09:58:18.853-07:002011-09-29T09:58:18.853-07:00BTW not sure why it repeated itself again and agai...BTW not sure why it repeated itself again and again. Weirdness.The Wannabe-Authorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00573293923249204282noreply@blogger.com